Top 10 Songs That Should Die

I hardly listen to the radio in Merced County -- primarily because most of the radio stations out here suck.

Like my editor Mike Tharp, I do like listening to the old "Wolfman Jack" broadcasts that air out here, but other than that, listening to Merced radio is like being subjected to a waterfall of pop vomit along with an endless parade of songs that I have probably already heard 10 billion times. Speaking of songs that I have heard 10 billion times, here's a list of songs that, in my opinion, need to die.

This is by no means a comprehensive list -- as there are undoubtedly as many songs that need to die as there are songs with awful lyrics. Some of the songs may not actually be terrible songs per se -- but thanks to mainstream radio stations with playlists that cater to a public that has a musical knowledge as deep as the Los Angeles River in July, listening to modern radio generally means being subjected to the same song over, and over and over again.

Like I said, it's not that these songs are not well written or great in their own way -- I, like many people, have just heard them enough to last for a lifetime. Ever since the term "playlist" came into existence, there have been certain songs that radio stations nationwide have continued playing over, and over, and over again -- sometimes for decades at a time, every hour on the hour.

And I say it's time for many of those songs to die. Yes, I know, it's painful -- but there comes a time when every dog with arthritis must be put to sleep. That being said, here's my "Top Ten Songs That Need to Die" list. Not to be confused with the upcoming "Top Ten Songs That Suck" list ("Achy Breaky Heart," for example). Feel free to add your own submissions:

1. Hotel California (The Eagles) -- The king of all kings, in terms of annoying songs whose lyrics have been effectively hammered into the brain cells of the young, defenseless and naive at an early age, thanks to classic rock stations that have played this song 10 million friggin' times a day since 1976.

2. American Pie (Don McClean) -- Forget about the day the music died -- I just want this sappy piece overly ambiguous nonsense to die a cruel and agonizing death. A perfect example of how not every piece of music produced during the Vietnam era was worth its vinyl. As if the original was not bad enough, Madonna had to do her own version.

3. Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) -- Thanks to Wayne's World, we have been subjected to Freddy Mercury's falsetto "Galileo" enough times to make us all wish this song had "never been born at all."

4. We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions (Queen) -- So much for sportsmanship, eh? Please -- no more arena rock anthems. This song should actually be called "We are the Football Hooligans" -- because those are the only Cro-Magnons who would bother listening to this song in their spare time.

5. Sweet Home Alabama (Lynyrd Skynyrd ) – Hey, guys, let's celebrate a state known for lynching, Jim-Crow, slavery and a crappy voting rights record. My family is from Alabama -- and I remember the sweetest thing about the state being the view out the rear-window of my parent's Pontiac Ventura as we were driving away.

6. "Rock and Roll, Parts 1 and 2", also known as "The Hey Song" (Gary Glitter) -- A catchy little rock ditty by a guy who is a convicted pedophile and NAMBLA poster-boy scumbag. At one time, this song used to be played regularly during football and hockey games in the US. Glitter is currently doing time for child molestation in a Vietnamese prison right now -- although he is scheduled for release later this year. Too bad, because he and his song both deserve a life sentence in my book.

7. Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin) -- Nobody cares that you can play this song on your acoustic guitar. What are we, in the third grade? And no -- we aren't impressed that you can play "Hotel California" either.

8. American Woman (The Guess Who) -- Who is this guy, Rob Halford? Apparently he's a rocker who doesn't like American women, which is kind of like a pit bull that hates raw meat. Just kiddin'. Anyway, it's not so much that I hate this song per se -- but after you've heard it a trillion times on the radio, can't help but be a tad bored.

9. Baby I Love Your Way (Peter Frampton) -- Yes, we all know that Frampton is a guitar god and all, but this piece of girlie-man rock passes as elevator music -- something you hear while waiting in the marriage therapist's office. And cheesy lyrics like "clouds are stalking islands in the sun -- I wish I could buy one" don't help.

10. Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison) -- This one hurts a little bit, because Van Morrison got soul. But that "Sha-La-La-La-La-La" played over and over again would classify as torture under the Geneva Conventions. A perfect example of a decent song that is worn out -- like an old pair of Converse All Stars from high school.